Saturday, August 1, 2009

Don't act like it your first time here!

Why they gotta act like they ain't never been to this ER before. Uh uh where is the bathroom, uh I don't know the name of that medicine I think it's dilaudo or something like that, I'm allergic to toradol and morphine.

So on my next encounter I act like I never seen them before:

Me: What brings you to ER today, past medical history, surgeries, allergies, what happens when you take "toradol", family medical history, head to toe, look, listen, feel! Pee in the cup, clean catch of course. I can make go on and on! Then I send in the MD of my choice, they go home with nothing but a little tylenol #3. Aw, my bad! You forgot to say Codeine! Booyah!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Y you gotta yell

So the shit done hit the fan: MS changes transfer to Neuro ICU, s/p fall standing at the bedside looking for a urinal with his wonker hanging out, hip fx need pain meds with needy family and the damn nurse is yelling around the unit; who's taking my team I gotta get outta hear cause I got something to do. When the nurse comes to take report she yells again: this one needs transferred, this dude done busted his head, and OMG they on that light again!

I just walked past and snickered, and said your ass needs some Xanax with and Ativan so you can dance better! She didn't think that was funny!

So the Directors out for a minute!

So our director's out for minute and we done got us an acting one; she's been there all of .........3 days right! Today she goes around and ask us what do we like, any suggestions blah blah! So she makes her way to me......OH SHIT NO SHE DIDN'T ask Me!

Likes: I like that I'm on the day shift this week!

That's all I could come up with! I'm trying to welcome her with open arms!


Why the hell do the routine peeps show the up in the ER looking for their fix when the shit done hit the fan! Then they hit that damn call light likes it a game show buzzier, every 5 minutes.

Friday, July 24, 2009

The things people say!

Doc to nurse: pt wanted rx for kick stand......So I wrote for a Viagra script for him. Pt 66 yo with CAD, hummm I wonder what's next in his future.

Pt to nurse: Can you put my IV in this arm? Why? Cause I had to leave the other hospital cause they ain't going do my surgery. Why? Cause all your test are normal maam!

Pt to nurse: I'm allergic to Reglan, Morphine, Tordal, Stadol, Dilaudid, Phenergan, Benadryl, blah blah. Nurse: Sir what do doctors usually give you for your vomitting and pain. Zofran and Demerol. This was a really long case pain never moved from 10. Help!!!

Father to nurse of an adult, adult drunk by elevan am: So what you going to do for my son. Me: Uuuuhhh, what until he gets sober. Father: so what should I do while your waiting. Me: WAIT! You can wait in the room, in the car, in the cafe, in can wait anywhere you would like Sir!

Pt to nurse: I can't breath, I can't breath! While his pulling out the NG tube! Er tech yells: Use the other nostril.

Nurse to family of 18yr chronic kidney stones: Push oral fluids to keep you well hydrated avoid caffiene products. 18yr: you mean I can drink extra beer! Father of patient: laughing out of control. Nurse: Whateva and a quick eye roll!

Mother to Nurse of 7 y/o: Where's my son, some man just took him for a xray? Nurse: Xray.... Er tech: why didn't you go with your son to xray. Mother: I didn't want radiation. Double WTH moment, I just shook my head and had nothing to say.

Nurse to Nurse: These cramps are killing me. Nurse #2: I got to give those up with chemo hehehe. Nurse #1: yeah but you gotta be available all 30 days, I can make this drag on for weeks. Nurse #2: Damn

Dr Workem to patient: your test are normal, I'm going to send you home with scripts blah blah. Patient: Why I still need pain medication. Dr: well.....hemhaw hemhaw.....let me see what I can do. 10 minutes later: Admit orders appear. Whateva!

Mother to adult child with dislocate knee cap: where was you suppose to be before you acted a fool and fell and broke your damn leg. And where's all your damn friends now....Oh I know at home in the damn bed where I'm suppose to be before your dumb ass was trying to do the electric slide in some damn flip flops on gravel with damn drink in your hand. And she wonders where she got it from.

Just another day at the Circus! Lots of clowns, animals, and hoops to jump through! Booyah!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Ativan so you can Dance?

Oh how I love the good drunks with their no undies and streaks that are at least a mile in length! Oxy couldn't get some of them stains out!

Spent the day with one of the bad drunks! She fell off the booking bench at PD so they brought her to use for the kit! Mascara streaks of tears down both cheeks, fish nets, panty hose, hair extensions and all! So I read over my charted notes before the case:
#1--"fell from bench while at station c/o of head and back pain", alert and oriented to situation, smell of etoh, speech slurred and cooperative, custody of police, PD at the bedside.
#2--"took someones ativan and xtasy to help me dance better"
#3--Personal belongings and clothing removed, small vial with white substance fell out of undergarments, anxious and physical combative, restrained, order for geodon 10mg IM, medication given as ordered.
#4--Resting in a position of comfort on the cot.

This is just a snippet. Plead guilty to driving under the influence , license revoked! Booyah! And they lived happily everafter.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Noisey Neighbor!

So the noisey neighbor on the block is having a party and they invited us! Should I go to be noisey, like she would do to us or skip it! Decisions, Decisions? Looks like they may have some good drunks at the baptism party!